Hope Madness

I've assumed many false things in my life. I've spent years floating in the ether of belief in those false things. This isn't an epiphany moment.  I do not believe in anything that I regret, I do not regret anything I've believed.  My body is fading, my mind is losing memory.  So, I am becoming aware, quickly of how I am not going to be here upon the earth to mend my mistakes, or create anything new that will be what I am remembered for doing.  What it was that I assumed was that by the time I reached my later years is that I'd find out that people would be good, moral, and basically kind.  I think some people are surely kind.  I think many are moral.  But after dealing with bullies, seeing the hatred of others, watching the world fight over the crumbs left over after a wealthy person eats a donut, I have very little belief in the world's overall kindness.  I do believe that people vote according to their pocket book, much as the people I know who are GOPer's tell me, but I do not think they do so in any way that is a good thing.  I think they do so because they are either looking to survive or because they are greedy.  I do not blame the wealthy for creating or seeking more wealth.  I think they are not under any aegis to do anything for the poor.  But as Christ said there will always be the poor, there is no reason not to extend compassion to them.  It is not as if they will disappear.

My parents were from a different era.  They lived and made it through the Great Depression.  In order to not be destroyed they made do.  And their outlook was part of that.  They would say that people are basically good.  That is not a bad way to think.  But, while I think that view upon life is healthy, hopeful, and good, I don't think it reflects reality.  And more and more, I think what reflects reality is that people seek pleasure, they seek comfort, and that they seek to avoid hard choices.  Life is way too hard, and it gets harder with every choice avoided that is hard.  We complicate each problem with more, with every decision to ignore the 800 lb Gorilla in the corner.  I am not being specific because I am not referring to any single issue.  We have plenty of issues that this applies towards.  I regret that I can't think of life, people, the future in the same way as I used to any longer.  Hope is too hard to hold.  It slips through my fingers.

Now, you might rightly read that and assume that this mindset thing is all about me being depressed.  But it isn't.  My depression however, might be about the mindset thing.  That is, when I began to see the problems before the world, and saw how we were dealing with them, I lost some of my hope.  I have said, in public, and certainly private, that hope is dangerous, because it possesses with it the potential to cause the person with hope to crash.  It can hurt you because if you hope, you also have expectations.  I have some hope, because if I was without hope, I'd go completely mad in fear for my son's future.

I do not have control over his generation's hopes.  I say this because there are reasons to worry.  War and rumors of war challenge us.  Drought and famine kill thousands. Disease and plague return to destroy life  I refuse to surrender but there are more issues yet.  Global warming might happen, or a mini Ice Age might take hold.  I just know that a great deal of issues remain to cause concern.  And as a person who sees life and events as needing to be understood and interpreted through word and rhyme, I am stunned by the array of issues that exist.


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