Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Nope I am not, but just in case you need it to be more clear

I am not going to kill myself.

"Life is only a long and bitter suicide, and faith alone can transform this suicide into a sacrifice."  Franz Liszt

LINK

Need help? United States:
1 (800) 273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish

Inevitably people ask if I am alright if I refer to suicide in anything I write.  I get emails and messages from concerned people, and from the occasional asshole telling me how to do it best.  I explain that I am using the term figuratively.  But I have struggled with the suicidal thoughts and am depressed often.  But I am not about to kill myself.


I realize some people cannot even begin to imagine suicide.  To them it is a sin or would rob them of so many things.  To others it is a last resort, and they haven't come anywhere close to that in their existence.  In my world, I guess I just have never felt as though I belonged here, so suicide might answer that and relieve my pain and remove the world's pain of me.  However, I am aware now, and wasn't then, that I have people who love me, and some who actually need me.  So I am not going to do anything.


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