At night when you call out alone, are satisfied with any single answer? Because there are many who will respond. I was told that I was an idiot for waiting until I was 24 before I had sex, on my wedding night, because of my Christian faith. I waited, fitfully, I BURNED, and not perfectly. I was no saint, not untempted. I didn't carry my books in front of my zipper in high school and university because I enjoyed the odd look it caused in others, it was to hide the 98 million boners a day.
If you turn to whoever answers your cries, and assume they are their to help you without being careful, you can be drawn in, even used, because of your weakness. And it does not matter your views. You can fall, like a house of poor construction, despite the highest of good intentions. I was lucky in some respects, I had an enormous sex drive but, my mother raised me to believe that premarital sex was really worse than other sins. I cannot say that I fully believed that, but every time I grew close to a person that I didn't believe I'd marry, my mother's voice would remind me, tsk tsk tsk, you are being naughty, a bad bad boy.
As I was married to a beautiful redhead I've never thought anything but that I was lucky. She is my heart's desire. I deeply and abidingly love her. Whatever the problems come, being married is not easy, I am always in love with her, whatever the dialogue going on. But there have been two times when we were separated by great distances for long periods of time, and despite being married, I had to be chaste. I was. I've never cheated, and that was not difficult. But, the going without, in itself is very hard, and require firm resolve.
The point here is, if you are broken by loneliness, you can be torn away from your deeply held beliefs. You can lose yourself because of the sorrows of your heart.
If you listen to the tiny voice of your conscience, you might remember your values, but it isn't fair, is it? Those people who fuck anything that move get it all the time! But life is more than that.
Listen to your soul's values and beliefs, not your fears. Fear is a liar. It will lie and tell you to accept less every single time. Tell fear to go away. Trust the things that you know are true.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
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