Monday, December 19, 2016

Changes

Many people have difficulty accepting change.  But in reality, the only thing a person's life can expect to have happen, is birth, eating, drinking, shitting, peeing, sleeping, and change.  Nearly everything else remains unwritten.  Change is part of the human story, and some of our bodies are not what we see them as, from the inside.

I have never personally seen myself as female.  I never saw myself as gay, but I did wonder why the hell women ignored me.  But that was more about being an intense poet guy than anything else, I think.  But in modernity we have changed almost all forms of traditional interpretation to modern.  Families formerly had two parents, now they can be a mix and match of adults and kids, but without even kinship.  Marriage used to be between two opposite sex adults, but now it is not.  And it used to be that people were forced to accept the fact that if you were born in one body, that body determined what gender you were to be called.

That has changed.  To some this is a matter of enormous importance.  There is fear over use of gender labeled bathrooms, fear over the use of what terms to use to call a person, and how to address the person and how to think about them.   I have many gay and lesbian friends.  I love them all.  I have had a few transgender friends.  All I could think when dealing with them, was not why does this chick have facial hair, but my god how brilliant their talent, or how bright their mind.  I am no saint, nor am I suggesting that everyone who has gender issues is brilliant or talented.  They are in my experience brave and talented because they have had to be such a powerful individual to follow through with their choice to follow their instinct, whatever society tells them.  I am amazed and moved by that.

I have nothing prideful to say about my penis.  It is what it is.  But to have a mind issue about my body that would make me abhor  having a penis?  Holy shit, I cannot imagine that.  And so, I welcome change, this era of freedom to be different is fucking awesome.  I realize there are many prejudiced against the people who shift genders.  I understand why they do, even while I disagree.  But for me this is the big change that will be a line we've crossed that makes our world better.  Individualism cannot go much further than perceptions of self, to the point of surgery and presentation of one's gender.

God bless everyone, whatever the gender, orientation, political party, belief in god, ideas about the future, taste in food, art, culture, or thoughts upon pizza.  


Friday, November 25, 2016

Not a Pastor, but a warrior.

So, I was told once or twice I should try to enter the ministry and be a pastor.

I am far too foul a creature to teach, to be a mentor, or to be a paragon of virtue.  I speak in the language of the world, not of angels.  I am foul, and I foul the air with belches and farts.  I am aware of all things human that are visceral, and venal.  So I might be able to point to the things that are good, and recognize those that are bad.  I might be able to suggest what a good man looks like... but my walk is idiosyncratic.  I've been broken, although I've tried to be what I believe is called for by God.  So, my personal walk is one that is bound by honor, and what my understanding of the word of God is.  I don't really expect those who aren't moved or who don't understand the same to live by it.  I never judge others for what I judge myself for.  I've been made aware of my sins, and I try to make myself better, and I am forgiven by the grace of God alone.  I know who I am, and who I am is not one who in public assumes others should follow me.

My walk is lonely.  My path is narrow.  And while I am very aware of where I am going, I realize how difficult it has been, and how difficult it will be.

Speak and live the truth.  Others will find fault in it, but you, perhaps you alone, but you will know the truth.

An artist I know failed on numerous occasions after having made agreements and had made me sign contracts.  My work was done, long in advance.  But his?  His was not.  He reached the end of the contract period and tried to say we were equal in the failure and effort, but it was not true.  He insisted, and when I said no, you are wrong, he said I was mentally ill.  I might well be, but not for that.  The truth is that in this world if you are righteous, no matter what you do, others who are not, will consider you to be insane or mentally ill.  It is simply a label that they find easy to apply.

Now we know he was wrong, but, was I blameless in the matter?  Due to a number of events in my life I was not forgiving.  And for that I was very wrong.  Factually I was correct, but in my heart, I was stubborn and very much holding a grudge.

There were of course reasons for that, but, it doesn't matter.
I needed to forgive.

So, along with knowing the truth, and walking a narrow a path, one must be forgiving of others.  And I am not always.  I fail.  I am deeply flawed.

But someday, maybe not soon, I will be perfected.  Someday...

Saturday, November 19, 2016

I exist. Therefore what the hell...


The world has confused me for the last 30 years.  When I was 15-25 I thought I knew everything.  At the moment I have not one clue who I am.

I write, but, I am not, I think, a writer.  I write poems, and I think about Poetry, and my brain works like poetry.  So, while I can write other forms, many genres, I am, I think, a poet.  But my poems don't sell books.  They don't do anything really, except express myself.


I worked as a journalist, an instructor in community college, a tutor, and a rather poor laborer in about 30 different warehouse, industrial, retail jobs.  As a journalist I loved my work, but found it financially unrewarding.  I then would satisfy my feelings of being unrewarded by thinking my work would encourage others or help them find good work.  I used to believe that the world would respond to my offers of good reading material, interviews with talent, people who deserve more attention and support.  But they never did.

I used to believe that voting for candidates in the hopes of their being moral would achieve some sliver of higher morality in politics.  But that for sure never happened.

I am not suggesting that I think any politicians are moral, let alone Trump or HRClinton being moral.  I didn't vote for them.  But some are more than others.

My life is better for having lived in the US, with middle class devoted parents.  My life is not now nor has it ever been bad.  But it is and has been painful.  In fact, I thank makers of various medicines.  I thank the makers of various surgical techniques and cancer finding technology.  I would have been dead in a previous century by 34 years old due to things that happened.  But in the present, I live.  But, I have had four more times where a doctor told me that I should be dead.  So I know that I am "lucky".  In fact, if I had been a sperm/egg fetus in the present I would have been removed.  I'd have been aborted since my biological DNA providers met due to Rape.  I'd not exist if I had been creation later.  However, I'd be dead in the past, at an earlier age, than in the present.  But I wouldn't exist in the current era, right now, due to Abortion rights.

So here I am.  Who am I?  I don't know.

https://www.amazon.com/author/alexness


http://alexnesspoetry.blogspot.com 
http://cargokultmodernday.blogspot.com 
http://catastrophicmemories.blogspot.com

"Bushido is realized in the presence of death.  This means choosing death whenever there is a choice between life and death. There is no other reasoning." Tsunetomo Yamamoto

BTW



An offer for my readers here.

I have 10 different postcards that I created with works I"ve created, both in word and public domain image.  Each is 4x6 and is available in person for a dollar a piece.  (Plus a dollar postage or more if the number purchased is large. )

I have an offer here for my THREE most recent books, plus all ten postcards for $24.












Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The Devil That was Chosen




When you chose a candidate who does not believe in science, and only in capitalism, especially the sort of capitalism that robs humanity of resources, that pollutes, that harms the common good, you have made a choice that will be paid out upon future generations.  While I feared the future of constant and pointless war under Hillary Rodham Clinton, we now face an America where despoilage of the earth will be sanctioned, and encouraged.
 

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Voting for the devil.

November 2016... I fear that the choice I have of someone who I believe is part of the massive machine of politics that will entrench us further in amoral government social engineering, versus someone who I consider to be a racist, a liar, and an all around jerk, is one of choosing between lesser evils.  I do not operate upon that principle.  If people believe that narrowly defined centrism, with two highly sides of that coin, one left of center, one right of center, and both completely full of crap, then they are allowed to do so, and in America it is the norm.  But I believe we can and should do more, and do better.   I've just reached a place of despair that anything will ever change.

“Civilizations die from suicide, not by murder.”― Arnold Joseph Toynbee


And I believe that the United States, land of freedoms, commercial opportunities, hope and fairness, has slowly decayed from a bright shining light, a beacon of light upon the hill to others, to being the Whore of Babylon.  I am sure others have said it, but there are people who likely have thought this long ago before the actual decline.  The fear of the fall preceded the fall.  Read Revelation 17:4–18  and make your own decisions.


My reasons are not anti-woman (regarding the term whore) nor do I believe that I am speaking as any sort of authority.  But America offers porn, gold, free behavior that can be considered immoral and without penalty.  I am not aiming at gay marriage, I think that is a civil matter, not one about the Christian social acceptance of gay people.  This is not aiming at the values of people regarding sex.  I believe that part of free will is having the ability to make your own spiritual and moral choices.  

“Of the twenty-two civilizations that have appeared in history, nineteen of them collapsed when they reached the moral state the United States is in now."  Arnold Joseph Toynbee


But I do believe many of the things that used to be considered wrong are now considered to be "one's own business".  It used to be, for instance, that the proper path of courtship was meeting someone, becoming acquainted perhaps by dating or friendship, then the relationship moves forward to a more serious path, with being a couple if not altogether marriage being the goal.  Upon that point the couple would couple, so to speak, and pursue having a family.  In the present people become attracted, have sex, have more sex to decide if the person is interesting, then date, and perhaps in the end find themselves married or being a couple. It might sound that I am judging, and I am, but only in the sense of saying, times have changed, and what is considered a value or moral, is something that is no longer so commonly shared.

“One day the last portrait of Rembrandt and the last bar of Mozart will have ceased to be — though possibly a colored canvas and a sheet of notes will remain — because the last eye and the last ear accessible to their message will have gone.”  Oswald Spengler


In the US we can watch porn if we have the internet or dvd players.  We can pursue lives on a wide variety of career paths, often seeking the career that will produce the most money as a reward.  There no longer is the notion of following one's own path and hoping money will follow.  Or worse, we encourage people to enter the military, to "better themselves", and then we use their bodies, we break their spirit of loyal service, and are training a society of future wars.   Television shows feature lives of others.  Reality television is the great majority of programming.  We long for intimacy but without the commitment.  Society has cleaved across lines of determining, what is important still, and what are we willing to do preserve what is important, some are seeking morality, some are fleeing from it.

“We have seen, then, that certain socioeconomic changes, notably the decline of the middle class and the rising power of monopolistic capital, had a deep psychological effect... Nazism resurrected the lower middle class psychologically while participating in the destruction of its old socioeconomic position. It mobilized its emotional energies to become an important force in the struggle for the economic and political aims of Germain imperialism.”  Erich Fromm



What proof is there?  America is a wealthy powerful country, one who is fighting against forces of militant religious and social conservatism across the globe.  The treasures of the empire are spent upon weapons of war, and the youth have become accustomed to the fact of constant war.  Video games desensitize our children and adults, making killing others who may simply be defending their own home simple.  We have a society that pays its gold to soldiers to fight to secure the oil that fuels American mass consumer culture.

“Sick cultures show a complex of symptoms such as you have named...but a dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot.”  Robert A. Heinlein

 I believe that we have made our own hell.  Now we have to choose which devil to lead it.  Choose the same leading forces of hell, or choose a new leader of hell.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Because I serve

I am a believer in Jesus Christ.  I believe that my role as a Christian is to be a warrior.  And I believe that I will be called upon to serve in the eternal host's army.  I am not perfect, I have numerous enormous personal flaws.  This isn't a statement of greatness, but of duty.

I am often asked "What kind of Christian are you?".  I believe the question is meant to elicit an answer to discern whether I am a right wing, evangelical, Born Again sort, or a different sort. I welcome the questions, people have to live out their lives and serve whoever they serve.   I would suggest that while I am flawed, broken in many ways even, that trying to live a morally perfect life is close to impossible.  Therefore the guidelines of Christian life help me endure.  I don't translate my faith to politics, or, if I do, I am a monarchist.  It doesn't work well with democracy or voting.

So what kind of Christian am I?

I try to share when I have abundance.  I try to uplift and help others in areas I have the ability to do so.  I try to be a good citizen.  I believe in prayer.  I believe in being redeemed by the blood of the perfect sacrifice Jesus Christ.  I try, often failing, to forgive.  I try to be steadfast in faith, not solely resorting to God when I am desperate nor crowing about my faith when I am successful.  God calls on me to be fearless, and I only fear things that I cannot change.  But if my number is called and I am to die, I am in no way afraid of death.  I believe in an afterlife.  I do not know, however, how a number of things happened.  I trust that if God is great enough to create a world and cosmos, however things might have happened, it is by the hand of God.

My church experience is rather vast.  I was baptized a Lutheran, confirmed a Methodist, reawakened in a Charismatic non denomination Protestant church, I enjoy the ritual and beauty of Catholicism despite have certain issues.  If I am anything I am Christian.  Any further need to discern who I am can be understood from my work, and from my personal witness.

If I have failed to demonstrate by my life what I believe, then I believe you are hurt.  Therefore, I live as best I can with the world around me being witness to my loyalty and reason.  While I do not see myself as a "role-model" for anyone but my son, my son is a person with endless potential.  Therefore, that single person needing me to be a role model is a very important one.

CLICK Both images for larger/clearer view.

 

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Party? PARTY! party.

Why I do not care about party distinctions...

One might believe in a political party, might give life and/or limb for it.  But the typical political party is a machine, driven by a desire for power.  It may well require humans to populate a party, a party needs individual sweat and labor to make a party work, but do not forget that a party is not there for you, you are there for it.

In the state of Minnesota a Republican is almost certainly a Democrat anywhere else.  In the state of Mississippi the reverse is true.  The convenience of location and who we are representing is a context which allows  people who would otherwise not be different, to choose sides in a morality affair.  But in the end, they almost certainly weren't affected by their vote or their support of a side of an argument.  In the end people who are otherwise indistinguishable have made a decision, and in the US the result is Majority rules with lip service to minority rights.    But it doesn't really play that easily.

But labels don't work anyway.  A Conservative Democrat or a Liberal Republican are no longer common.  The divisiveness of politics has made the center ground, the commons, an area where those who linger are called traitors.

Who are we as Americans?  Do we matter?  Have we passed the point of no return and we've fallen from sole super power to one of many great powers?    There are a great many people who believe that the United States ought to be concerned only for American issues.  But then, if everyone had that as their goal then there'd be no response to evil in many different cases.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

A prophet is not a hometown hero

I write poems.  Mostly I write poems about the world we are creating, and have left to our children.  I write essays about the same.   I write about love, because it is a common, universal experience.  But mostly, I think about the future, and how humans have screwed this world.  When a pastor who has numerous books in print and a wide radio audience read my work he said that I was a prophet, my poetry is a calling to the heart of people.  And maybe I am, I guess I am uncertain.  But the truth about a prophet that remains true is: from Luke 4:24  "Truly I tell you," he continued, "no prophet is accepted in his hometown."  I have only the fewest but most loyal of friends.  The attempts to sell my work fall upon deaf ears, because no one listens to a prophet until it is too late.  And selling books of poetry is not an easy sale, and certainly beyond poetry, a poet who writes not for academia or the journals and coffee shops, that guy is not going to sell.  So I am a prophet I guess.  So are some other people who did better than I have, exponentially better.

For example, I don't believe that I'd like Pat Buchanan in person, nor do I agree with what I've read of his solutions to problems, nor his dislike of Jews. But he has a way, however dark his purpose, or his soul, of presenting the truth that is well laid out and often prescient.

In 1999 with His work A Republic, Not an Empire https://www.amazon.com/Republic-Not-Empire-Reclaiming-Americas/dp/0895261596 Before the 2000s had begun, takes three chapters and lays out the future wars in the world, and why, as well as how the world will fall apart over a desire by US notions of policing of the world state. He did not treat the GOP of GW Bush any better than the Democrats of the Clintons.

This was preceded by his roiling of the American society by the 1992 Culture war speech at the GOP convention. Was the stage set for a division of left and right? In his prescient view, it certainly was, and had been.

He is a flawed, entirely flawed messenger, and I am not offering him up for a leader. I am just saying that the world we live in now and are confused by and driven mad due to, was one that was predicted to the howls of protest of others. However right, or wrong morally his views, he rightly saw that the road was paved towards a fully divided society based upon the values of religious people and secular people, and the nether regions between.


 
But the most frightening of predictions, was how he looked at the fact that the world will turn to Russia for leadership after American offers of help end in failure. Unlike some people, Paul Erhlich for instance predicted a world of billions and billions of people before 2000 AD, Buchanan shredded the easier to accept pie in the sky without exaggerating. My reading of other than American interpretations of world affairs has revealed many different pieces of the puzzle. The current that is rising is captured in a phrase "Better Putin than Muslim".

Is that a world that we want?

Non constructive comments/debate here will be deleted, I am only offering this to suggest that the world is on fire, and sometimes we can't predict who the fireman will be who puts it out. I just know, if it doesn't get put out, it will burn every house, every apartment, and every building.

We are all divided, but these divisions are not according to merit, talent, intelligence. Every side of the debate needs to be fairly addressed. Because right now in America we have one side who hates the other and says blah blah and blah, and on the other side we have someone who hates the other and says blah blah blah or blah. Did you ever think, maybe that there just might be more sides to an issue, a complex issue of life and death, than yes or no?


Our divisions are real, but at one time they were two sides of the same coin.  Now we don't even use the same currency.



"Bushido is realized in the presence of death. This means choosing death whenever there
is a choice between life and death. There is no other reasoning." Tsunetomo Yamamoto

Monday, October 3, 2016

Thank the Greeks

Western civilization is different than the East, or any other sort of civilization.  The foundations of it were not originally upon the power of empires, and great and powerful states.  It became that, but, what was the seed that took root was the Polis, the Equality of the citizens, the need for all to defend the Polis, and the hard fought values that arose from that.  When Persia came to dominate the Greeks, although they were but small city states, who often fought amongst themselves, they gathered to fight.  Persia, a vast and powerful, monolithic and fascinating empire, was not prone to elections and listening to the will of the people.  It was led by Kings or Emperors, and they were autocrats.  The cause that was Greece, in the face of invading empires or terror from the seas, is that they were perhaps not friendly with each other state, but within their world, they were Greek, and that meant they fought, were educated, believed in certain things about their fellow Greeks that could not be extinguished by an enemy outside of themselves.  That remained true until one who saw himself as Greek finally became the leader who would allow them their laurels but only if they called him a Greek, as much as they.  Macedonians under Philip aspired to be seen as Greek, but while they were related, his son and successor  Alexander did think himself the blood relative of Heracles, Macedonia was little more than a dictatorship of the strong.

Today Greece is seen as the weak sister of Europe, but it remains the doorway of Europe through which comes much of the rest of the world.  How fitting that those who seek shelter come in first through the first truly European country.





Saturday, October 1, 2016

Reasons

I am waiting for someone to tell me that it was worth it.  But I am aware that life is completely without logic, without reason.  It is absurd.  What is there to reward life's work?

Is it money?  Well I've never been someone who, even in my personal poverty, valued money over my time.  A person once asked me for an hour of my time, in exchange for a raffle ticket that could win pie in the sky winnings, I wasn't interested.  He then promised me one of three prizes, 50 dollar gift card at restaurant, a big tv, or a entertainment center or some damn thing.  I told him, I value five minutes of my time far more than any of those things.  The sound of the other side of the phone was one of shock.  He said he'd given away so many 50 dollar gift cards and such just for a person's time, that he was shocked.  He asked again, this time saying, for a mere 30 minutes of your time I promise you can have a tv or spiffy entertainment center.  Now, if I was not moved for 5 minutes of my time, it would surely not happen for the 30 minute request.  He said sir, I beg you, tell me what you do that is so valuable?  I said, I value my time to read, sleep, talk to my wife, be with my cats more valuable than things.  The person on the other end of the phone said, there is first time for everything, and sir, you are easily someone I'd would say to be unique.  Maybe I am.  I don't really care.

Is it recognition?  Really not.  If I were desirous of recognition in poetry, I'd go through channels of academia and journals.  I'd submit repeatedly and ape their style and prompts.  If I were desirous of recognition in Christian life, I'd stop swearing, I'd start posting verse, I'd start addressing the world through the lens of a proper Christian.  But I am not one.  I believe in doing things properly.  But the journey to heaven is a narrow path.  I don't presume to teach, I don't presume to know more than others in the world of Christian theology.  I do know who I am, and that by my knowledge of and living in the ways of Christ, I will not be spat out like lukewarm water.  So my words are not pronouncements, they are reports from the frontline.  I try as a poet to be transparent and report truth.  As a person who is a Christian that means I am visible to everyone looking in, warts, failures and flaws inclusive.  I am made of meat.  My spirit will live, but meat will fade.



Is it stuff?  I waver here.  I collect books, comics and various hockey cards.  I kind of find my reward here.  However, if you ask my son, my best friend, or any of the people who received a shit load of my gifts, I am generous and not selfish.  So, yes I collect, and pursue, but never over the personal needs, or to the extreme of financial burden.  I know some wealthy people who look upon others who don't buy as much, or as well with disdain.  Well that is on them.  Not me.  I know some people who literally work harder to buy more stuff.  I never have done this.  I live within the limit of my extra finances.

So if not money, if not recognition or stuff, what is there?  I am a poet; the kisses of cats, the wind in my face that cools our bodies in summer, poetry, children giggling, beauty, hope, and joy are all the rewards of my life.  Everything else that exists is meant to teach me, or help me learn. Writing this I think I've figured out the reward.  Love.  It is all that matters.





Saturday, September 24, 2016

Screwed

I am unready to declare the end of the world as a result of America's choosing of a political leader.  However, I am ready to declare that I refuse to vote for any of the four morons who stand to receive the most votes.

The four presented are completely unworthy of office, and despite what GOP voters would say, Obama would mop the floor with them.  Contrary to what Democrat voters would say, George W Bush would mop the floor with them as well.  The choices offered are just that bad.


"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."  
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The world awaits the decision that America makes.  I offer this... The United States has arrived at the most important point of the history of the nation, and we are offered the four worst possible choices.  If you have a choice you are happy with, great go with that, good luck.  But the truth is, America has issues that cannot be addressed alone, and the world outside of the US is increasingly hostile.  Agents of terrorism strike nearly daily, including mass shootings, extremist violence, and gang control and murders of in Chicago and other large cities.  We cannot afford such idiocy as to elect people who cannot tell the truth, who do not believe the truth, or worse, ignore the truth.  We have met the enemy, and they are us.


Friday, September 2, 2016

Reaching the final chapter

If life is a book, and I am nearly finished with reading it, does that book resonate and change me, or does it confirm that I am not enough?  Do the words found inside move me, or do they condemn me?






I might be human, and alive, but my memories go back to times when I was not alive.   Does that make me a fool, insane, or simply connected with the planet?  I don't know.




You rebel you

I am often told that I think too much.  When in my mind people do not think enough.  I am told I feel too much.  When in my mind people d...